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May 08 Playlist

Well, another MarriedLife Live has come and gone. I have to say this one was one of my favorites! Although, to be quite honest, it's like childbirth--painful to produce but worth it in the end. Each of our campuses experimented a bit with music selection and we wound up with three unique playlists across the board. However, you're just getting North Point's because that's all my brain can remember at this point!

Opener: Rock 'n Roll by Led Zeppelin

Music Set #1: Born to Be My Baby by Bon Jovi and We Weren't Crazy by Josh Gracin

Music Set #2: In Love with a Girl by Gavin DeGraw and Whatever It Takes by LifeHouse

Closer: How Do I Love Her? by Steven Curtis Chapman

Go download and enjoy!

Jana Guynn/Multi-Campus Producer/MarriedLife Live/North Point Ministries

Premarital Mentoring

Question: Can you guess what type of couple makes statements like these?

"We never argue. We try to, but we just don't seem to disagree on anything." "I could never be happy with anyone else." "There i absolutely nothing I would even consider changing about my partner. Ilove everything about him/her."

Answer: An engaged couple. It's true. I have had the opportunity to be around it all as the Coordinator of our 2 to 1 premarital ministry. My husband and I also volunteer as mentors in this program as well. 2 to 1 is designed to help engaged couples prepare for marriage by using principles from Scripture, along with carefully selected tools and materials. The mentor couple meets with the engaged couple for at least six sessions, sometimes more if necessary. During this time, engaged couples are exposed to the "look and feel" of a healthy marriage,presented with Biblical structure for marriage, challenged in areas that need attention, and sometimes encouraged to wait or seek additional help before committing to a lifetime together. Couples who participate in premarital counseling are, statistically, much less likely to divorce than couples who do not.

My husband, Al, and I went through premarital counseling. We were young, in love, and I am sure that we made the exact same comments as listed in the introduction. I think we had a bit more baggage than other couples, because our sessions tended to last about 2-3 hours, with an additional 2 hour debrief in the driveway of the mentor couple. What's funny is I don't remember what the mentor couple told us nearly as much as what they actually modeled for us. To this day, many of the "best practices" of our marriage are the direct results of what we saw and observed from them. In fact, we make it a point to connect with this couple once a year just to hang out and learn as much as we can from the things they are going through. For us, we are permanent students in the School of Marriage, and the tenured professors are our mentor couple--they just don't receive a salary!

Great marriages don't just happen. They are the result of decisions and intentional effort made consistently over time. Many couples make the mistake of thinking that premarital counseling alone will be enough. Premarital counseling is just the beginning. It's an entry level course. Try adding children to the mix, an unexpected layoff, or an ailing parent needing full-time care...these are challenges that probably weren't covered in your premarital counseling, and, if faced alone, could create an unhealthy climate in your marriage. We need other couples around us--couples who, like you, are passionate about God and marriage. If you don't have an older married couple in your life, that's okay, there is no set formula. One easy step you can take is to get involved in a community group. This allows you to surround yourself with couples to "do life" with, learning and growing together. Another easy step is to attend MarriedLife Live. This is a fun and engaging environment created for the sole purpose of bringing couples together to equip them with knowledge and tools to make their marriages stronger. If you're already doing these things, then you are way ahead of the curve and hopefully reaping the benefits of these good decisions. Marriage is a wonderful thing, no doubt about it.  Ideally, a great marriage does begin before the wedding, but it should not end there. Fortunately North Point Ministries provides opportunities for couples to connect and learn from each other. And who knows, maybe one day you'll find yourself in a position as tenured professors to another couple.

Elaine Scott

Feb 08 Playlist

We got some great responses to our music this past event. It was mix of old and new stuff the help "Nurture Romance" along.

"No One" by Alicia Keys

"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye

"Feels Like Tonight" by Daughtry

"Hate That I Love You" by Rihanna and Ne-Yo

'L-O-V-E" by Natalie Cole

"The Way You Look Tonight" by Tony Bennett

"Try a Little Tenderness" by Michael Buble

"You Found Me" by Kelly Clasrkson"

 

Jana Guynn

Multi-Campus Producer

MarriedLife Live 

 

Messy Marriage

Messy Marriage. I am much too neat for those two words, or at least I appreciate neatness. "Neat," for me, serves as an emotional clean slate with a swipe of the hands and an, "Okay, now let's get started" attitude. Perhaps there is nothing greater than neatness to create the sense of a new beginning.
Yet there are some things we just can't make neat, and marriage, for me at least, is one of those things. Marriage is messy. Marriage has to live in tandem with our crazy, messy schedules. Marriage has to live in tandem with messy relationships with our kids, friends, family, and co-workers. Marriage has to live in tandem with the most messy thing of all...us. God created us to be complicated, messy beings and we are married to complicated, messy beings. I am firm believer in this--we just can't make marriage neat.
You may be thinking, "Why would I want to?" Why?! Why, to get the spring cleaning done, the garage organized, the desk cleared off...to start over, of course. When it comes to marriage, so many times I just want to start over:
"Now say something encouraging!"
"Now romance her like when we were dating!"
"Now then, let's have date nights, and laughter, and fun, and intimacy, and sex...yeah, let's start over with lots of sex."
I talk to so many people who say, I am going to do fill in the blank when things slow down at work (when things get neat), when we stop fighting (when things get neat), when her parents move out (when things get neat), when I am not so tired (when things get neat).
What if we embraced the messy realities of our world? What if we wrapped our arms around the fact things were messy before, things are messy now, and probably things will be messy in the future. So am I going to start loving and living in my mess, in my messy marriage? What if we started loving today? What if we bought flowers today--just put it on the calendar to pick up flowers or made a call to have them delivered? What if we had a date night tonight, or at least this week? What if we watched the kids so our spouse could have some alone time today? What if the next time we see our spouse, we planted a red hot kiss on them right in front of the kids?! Why not do something today in the middle of our messy world, in the middle of our messy schedules, in the middle of our messy marriages? What if we inserted some joy and encouragement and laughter right smack dab in the middle of our mess?
What if we made gifts and laughter and great sex a huge part of our messy marriages? Maybe we wouldn't mind getting so dirty after all. Maybe we would discover that neatness is overrated.
 
 
Ted Lowe
Multi-Campus Director of MarriedLife Live 

MarriedLife Live Playlist

We get some great feedback after our MarriedLife Live events--a lot of it focused on music. One of my favorite emails recently was from a first time attender. He and his wife loved the evening so much, they were committing to making it a quarterly night out. He wrote in requesting the songs from the event so he could burn a cd of the night's music. He wanted to keep the memories of the evening alive for her until the next MarriedLife Live. Isn't that great?! So kudos to our new friend Brian and the rest of you out there thinking, "Cool, I could do that too."  We're happy to give you our playlist from November's event...

                                              

I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick

Just the Two of Us by Bill Withers

Take Me There by Rascal Flatts

I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

So Small by Carrie Underwood

I Want You With Me by LeeAnn Rimes

 

Surprise your spouse by legally purchasing these songs and making a great mix tape. They'll love your initiative and appreciate the gesture.

Jana Guynn

Multi-Campus Producer

MarriedLife Live 

 

                                 

 

 

Cats and Dogs

This week is my yearly final exam on the subject of Celebrating Differences. You see, I married a dog. Or, more precisely, a Dawg. And I am a bleed-orange-and-blue Tiger. This Saturday marks the 111th meeting of the Auburn Tigers and Georgia Bulldogs (Auburn leads 53-49), and our house will definitely be divided until then. I will not wear red, say the word "bulldog", or even think about our rivals from Athens. And my wife is just as fanatical about her beloved Bulldogs, so she won't be donning any orange and blue outfits (not that she ever does).

I'm not quite sure whether this is one of our most fun weeks of the year, or one of the worst. I'd be lying if I said there weren't times that I wished she was a fellow Tiger, and I'm sure there are occasions where she wished I was more than just a casual fan for her Dawgs (though I did cheer pretty loudly during that victory over Florida.) But I would really have to say that we've both learned to truly celebrate the fact that we're not rooting for the same team this week. It may have taken a while, but we've gotten past those early years where the fact that our spouse wasn't on our team was an annoyance.

I believe that if you can get to the point of really deciding to appreciate those things that could bother you, it opens up a whole world of possibilities. And I do think it's a decision - an attitude that you intentionally choose to have about something; learning to celebrate-and not just tolerate-those things that make you different from each other. Why, the creative wagers during a week like this is reason enough to do some celebrating!

So, come Saturday afternoon, we will definitely be celebrating our differences very loudly. We'll just have to wait and see which one gets to celebrate more!

Russell Todd
North Point Ministries Web Guy

Data Recovery

My story starts with a visit to a company that "saves your data" with a restored hard drive and a $500 hit to my AMEX bill. In the end, it is a great story about being dumb. It began as a brief discussion between my wife and I about how we needed a hard drive to back up all our files (pictures especially). You know how it goes...do we really need this? What else could we do with this money? So we put off the $150 dollar purchase until later...dumb. Then the next month you find yourself at the store with the hard drive in hand, but you think, "I sure would like to use that gift certificate for something else at Circuit City." So I put it off again...Dumb! All of that culminates with your "techy" friend (the one that normally bails you out) delivering a "time of death" announcement over the old hard drive. The reality that images of your daughter's 1st birthday and our last Christmas with Grandmom may be gone forever hits hard. Now you realize how the guys who do Data Recovery can charge what they do. At this point, I think I would mortgage the house to get that stuff back (or at least get it back for my wife). Dave Ramsey calls these bills a "Stupid Tax" and boy, is he right. Our family paid $516 worth of stupid this month and I'm sure it's not the last time.

Since I get paid to blend ministry and life, I think that my data recovery story has huge application potential for our marriages. You see, my story could have been easily avoided. We simply needed a plan. I needed to invest in the tools necessary to protect what was important to us, and I needed to schedule a routine time to make sure it never got out of hand. A simple,and relatively cheap, hard drive and a short weekly task of back up would have protected me from an emotional meltdown and a costly repair. Our hard drive crashing would have been barely a blip on our radar screen (but I would have had no application for the online blog). MarriedLife Live is our plan for routine maintenance in our marriage. It is an essential tool to protect and monitor what we hold dear. We put it on the calendar and we prioritize it. Our marriage is the most important relationship we have on this Earth--for both us and our children. Four times a year we schedule a check up to do more than just talk about our daily routines, the kids' growth, and the laundry list of needs around the house. We count on coming away from an event with one more tool to help us weather a tough spot, celebrate what we do right, and connect with a God who designed us for each other. MarriedLife Live-- time well spent in marital data recovery!

Tom Shefchunas

Director of MarriedLife

Browns Bridge Community Church

Spontaneous Combustion

I've always been curious about spontaneous combustion. Ever since I watched an episode of Leonard Nimoy's In Search of... as a kid, I've wondered how a person could instantly disappear and leave just a pile of ashes behind. I think I understand it a little bit better as an adult. I may have even come close to it these past few weeks. For the first time in the MarriedLife Live history, we made the move to have MarriedLife Live at all three of our campuses ... on the same night! There's an energy and intensity to the weeks leading up to a MLL event. Time is segmented into blocks of programming, shooting, editing, staging and emailing. Graphics and text are debated and changed. Tablecloths and takeaways are worked out in order to support the night's message and purpose. My kids call it "living in the crazy."

On top of all that, we were unveiling the new website at marriedlifeonline.com. This meant both the event and the website had to be done at once! But because God is God, both happened. Not without a hitch---but they happened all the same. We had three great MarriedLife Live events at all three campuses. And we were able to create a website to give you access to almost all of the videos and messages MarriedLife has ever produced. Some are funny, some poignant, some purposeful and moving. Some can be viewed with your small group. We hope this new site will spark discussions and ideas. Creating it was time well spent - even if at times, the frenetic pace of producing and implementing it sparked some combustible moments.

Jana Guynn

Multi-Campus Producer

MarriedLife Live

MarriedLife Online

My dad reads the newspaper from cover to cover every day. To say "reads the newspaper" does not adequately describe my dad's passionate relationship with the Birmingham News. Over the years, he has perfectly choreographed a dance with his beloved informational friend. The dance goes a little like this:

Step 1: He sinks down into his Archie Bunker-like recliner.

Step 2: He places the newspaper on his lap.

Step 3: He removes the first section and gently lays the rest on the arm of his chair.

Step 4: He pops the first section open, which completely covers him from the waist up, and reads it from beginning to end.

Step 5: He repeats Steps 3 and 4 until he has finished the entire newspaper.

Growing up, I knew that if my dad was behind the newspaper, he might as well have been in a soundproof chamber. I could have set the room on fire and he wouldn't have noticed until his paper was ablaze. While there were definite advantages to my dad's out-of-body experience with current events, there were also some definite disadvantages. When I needed his attention, I knew it would be a battle. After repeating "Dad" progressively louder and louder, there was only one way to get him to snap out of it. I would combine "Dad" with a whack to his paper. While this definitely got his attention, it was not unlike waking a bear from hibernation. Scary!

For my dad, there has always been something incredibly relaxing, satisfying, interesting, and empowering about reading the newspaper. I've teased him about this for years, but I've come to realize that I have my own daily version of passionate information gathering?the Web. While I try to avoid being in a laptop coma while my kids are awake, the Web does grab me daily. For the same reason my dad enjoys the newspaper, I enjoy the Web. Because I know I am not alone, the MarriedLife team decided to create a website that people could go to regularly to empower and encourage them in their marriages. The purpose of this website is to partner with married couples on a day-to-day basis. In the words of Home Depot, "You can do it. We can help." MarriedLife Online is banking on the fact that in their hearts, people want to have great marriages, but often just don't know how to make it happen.

MarriedLife Online is far from comprehensive, but we believe it can point people to some great tools designed to make their marriages better. Here are some of them:

Married Life Live » a quarterly event designed to give you an incredible night out leaves you feeling encouraged and empowered in your marriage

Counseling Referrals » for when you need help

Community Groups » because we all need friendship and support

We want to encourage married couples by making them laugh, giving them great articles, videos, and creative ideas. We want couples to be proactive, rather than reactive. I am excited about the website, and I am even more excited about its potential. I have tried to convince my dad to give up his sacred newspaper, or at the very least, add the Web to his news gathering sources. I have tried to persuade him with the "It really is easy" speech. I have assured him he will love it, but to no avail. While my dad will probably never Google this site, my personal prayer is that it would repeatedly empower, encourage, and equip those of you who do.

» Ted Lowe | Multi-Campus Director of MarriedLife Live | North Point Ministries, Alpharetta, GA «